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Thursday, 28 January 2016



I came back to Dungun in August 2013.  Coming back with no Phd makes me more inferior.  Some of my friends had completed their studies. Coming back with the Dr in front of their names.  The worst part is when my ex student, Hairi Jalis also had come back with a Phd. As a mom and being a caregiver for a two special boys with Autism and ADHD, I told myself  that I am a HERO! I’ll take this as a challenge, making me feels better , walking my day to day life  with these two boys. My son, Iman turn to be more aggressive at the age of 13. I can’t simply spank him as he’s growing bigger now. I’m afraid of the risk, what if he fights back?

I was call by the Rector, my boss just can’t take it when I can’t achieve  the organizational KPI’s: I turn up late to the class, submitting late result for the final exam papers, applying so many emergency leaves, turning up late for the meeting and so on. I was seen as a black sheep in this organization now.  I can’t join the other staffs for lunch, parties, celebrations or even attending the family day and attending conferences away from Terengganu. I don’t dare to leave my boy with my husband.

It’s not him that can’t take care of Iman, but it’s me who always thought that I’m the only one who can cope with his irritating behaviors. I became anti socialized now. It’s not that I feel so shy about these two kids, but Iman is always throwing his tantrums in front of the public. Irfan is doing okay most of the time, but he still have his bad behaviors in front of others. He used to cling with me anywhere I go. Having his wet trousers after going to the toilet, leaving the smell of his urine almost every time he leaves the toilet.

For Iman, I still keep on giving him Risperidone, but this year I noticed he’s like “resistant” to his medication. It seems that the dose given to him does not giving any effects on him. I started giving him homeopathy early December, but he turned to be more aggressive after I introduced him to this type of medication.

There are some reasons why I hardly make myself committed to my work, on the other hand I can call myself as NOT HAVING A WORK-LIFE BALANCE anymore:

1.       I have a daily maid coming to take care of my kids when I’m having my lecture at UiTM,  but I just manage to pay her RM10 per hour due to my financial constraints. So she just come for 3 hours a day, 3 times a week only. I got to sacrifice my 2 to 5 pm for the other 2 days, staying at home, jeopardising my career,   as there’s no one to take care of Tajul Iman. I experienced leaving this boy with his other siblings, but it end up with my tears when I saw some marks on his body when I came back from work, telling me that he had been pinched/spanked by his siblings when I was not around. I cried in agony.

2.       When I am at home, I got to give my son a full attention, a one to one attention until I can’t do any office work, not even a sentence for my Phd thesis. I faced problem when I got to mark the students’ final exam papers with all essays, with the minimum of 3 different codes of subjects per semester, They just give me  ___ days for me to finish the marking and I use to take more time to complete these tasks. I got a threatening statement from the boss via text messages last 2 semesters on my failure to submit the results on time, but I tried to take it, with no hates and grievances, to me he was just doing his job. After all  he also got a series of threats from his superior. It’s just me who can’t cope throughout this hardship in my life!

3.       I got to attend a few series of occupational therapy for both kids, particularly in the afternoon, limiting my commitment to have an adequate working hours in the office. I use to spend at least 3 hours in the hospital for each visit to the physiotherapy clinic. It’s not easy when I got to wait for my turn for my son’s therapy and health check. When Iman got his asthma attack a few times, especially during rainy seasons, I got to be in the clinic sometime up to 2 hours for them to release his asthma, using Nebulizer. I end up with buying my own Neb as I found my son just couldn’t take it when he felt his difficulty in breathing, at the same time he got to wait for his turn to use the Neb after other asthma patients were using it. This is also time consuming for me. It involves all the patience I have in life!

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